Healing from Divorce |
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For several years I struggled to heal my fragile emotions after my second husband divorced me. I naively married an alcoholic the first time thinking I could make him stop drinking. I tried everything to make him stop. After four years I gave up and divorced him because I didn’t feel secure living with an alcoholic. Searching for a way to put my life back together, a pastor suggested I attend an evangelism seminar with some of the members of his church. That night I gave my heart to Jesus. I was introduced to a great guy a few months later. He had recently been divorced and had custody of his two small children. He also received Jesus at that same seminar. We dated for six months then got married. I became an instant mom and tried to be a good mother to his children. Four months after we married, I got pregnant, and nineteen months later we had another child. From the beginning I intended to honor our marriage covenant no matter what came our way and we were happy for the first five years. I helped him through college and he landed a great teaching job in an affluent town after graduating. He was a great teacher and received many invitations to dinner parties which left me feeling anxious, fearful and insecure of losing him to other women. I began to soothe my emotions with food, and gained weight, then became self conscious and jealous of the rich, beautiful women at these dinner parties. My self esteem was in the pits. I didn’t like confrontation and had difficulty communicating my feelings, thoughts and fears. Raising four strong-willed children was stressful to say the least. We opposed each other in many areas including child rearing. Our marriage became strained and one time I entertained the thought of leaving him, but the covenant we made to God kept me from carrying out that fantasy. He was a good man, faithful, and hard working, and I was sure we could get through anything with God’s help and guidance. We went through many stormy times other couples would have crumbled under. About twelve years into our marriage he told me he wasn’t happy and wanted his freedom. I persuaded him to stay. As time passed, we drifted further apart. We stopped going to church, hardly spoke and intimacy was nonexistent. Before Christmas he asked for a divorce because he could not live with my faults any longer. We had problems but I thought they could be worked out, besides I had been a faithful wife and devoted my life to him and our family. I thought he felt the same. I had given my best effort for twenty years and he just wanted to throw me away. Several weeks later, before we went our separate ways a strange thought came over me like he was hoping for God to intervene and do something to heal our broken relationship. I was emotionally caught up struggling with overwhelming feelings of hurt and rejection from the man I shared my life with and dismissed that thought. In five months we were divorced. I had a lot of time to reflect upon our lives together and what we had been through. I needed God in my life more than ever now, but I felt condemned because the bible says God hates divorce. I stopped going to church and submerged myself in my career as a nurse. When holidays rolled around being single wasn’t so great. Gone were the days of attending church services as a family, shopping, baking, and decorating our home for the holidays. Depression and loneliness were constant visitors I could count on. As time passed, I realized I couldn’t change myself. I had to allow God to change me. I began attending church again. My spirit became hungrier for God as He began to heal my broken heart. Instead of condemning me for the divorce, He welcomed me with open arms. Each decision to go a step higher drew me closer to Him. Matthew 7:7 says “Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who seeks, finds. And those who knock, the door will be opened unto you.” One of the doors the Lord opened for me was to attend a “Freedom in Christ” seminar at church. I learned so much about myself that weekend. I was able to see how and where my emotional problems began as far back as early childhood. My coping skills were childlike and carried over to my adult years. I didn’t realize what a devastating impact my choices had, and how it affected my spirit and emotional behavior throughout my life. I began to resolve many of my childhood and adult issues and discovered why I reacted negatively to many situations with my husband. I also realized that in my desire to be a good wife and mother I hadn’t kept God in the center of my life. God, in His tender mercy continued the unique healing process in my heart. Now my life is totally different from the way it used to be. I have extraordinary peace and joy in my heart that cannot be discouraged or taken away. I no longer suffer from feeling abandoned because God promises in Hebrews 13:5 He will never leave or forsake me. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” If you desire a lasting change and a new beginning Jesus can help. He will lift you out of the darkest places and free you from whatever is holding you back from a joyful life. Simply ask Him. Don’t wait! Pray this prayer: Dear Jesus, I am sorry for trying to run my life my way. I choose to turn away from my old life and turn to you, and ask you to forgive me and cleanse me from all my sin, I need you. Please come into my heart and begin a new work in my life. In Jesus Name, Amen. If you prayed that prayer and would like to share your decision with me or ask questions, please use the following address if you would like to e-mail me at rmbcha@aol.com Please put in the subject line, “Freedom In Christ.” You can also write to the following address: Mountain Lake Christian Retreat and Conference Center Also available from the author, “Divorced, A Woman’s Struggle Through Recovery”, and can be purchased by check or money order in the amount of $10.00 plus $3.50 for shipping and handling. Mail to: Rosemary Chapin at the address listed above. God provided a true and lasting healing of my heart and emotions, and I know He can and will heal your brokenness, too. God Bless You **NOTICE: No portion of this testimony may be copied without express written permission from
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